Archive for May, 2013


Connectivity

When I was a young woman and living in the center of my city, one day I awakened at about three o’clock in the morning. Nothing awakened me – there was no odd noise in the night, no bad dream, my children were all peacefully asleep, the dog wasn’t barking and the cat wasn’t meowing to get in.  I just woke up.

This may not sound like such a big deal, and you may wonder why in the world would I even remember one particular awakening. After all, I woke up every day…maybe not that early every day, but still, wouldn’t they all kind of run together after all these years? I mean, that was thirty-some years ago!

Okay – and I hope I can get this properly described because it probably won’t sound like such a big deal – here’s why I remember: I opened my eyes in the darkness of my bedroom and I was connected to everyone in my city. I didn’t just feel as if I was connected, I was connected.  To my next-door neighbors; the family of five over across the way in the projects; the lovely couple and their little girl who lived on the south side of town; the policemen patrolling the streets on the north side; the house down the street where the woman sold drugs and everybody knew about it but said nothing; my mother who lived five or six miles to the west of me; my sister living farther to the west; a group of homeless men living under a bridge in the uptown area, and many, many, more.  The good, the bad, the in-between.  Everyone.

I don’t remember thinking anything.  It wasn’t a “thinking moment”. The whole world was still, and as I lay there in the dark, I was…content. Everything was as it should be, it was all a part of me and I was a part of it. And the connectedness (is that a word?) spread out from me and my city, into the surrounding towns and cities, then to the country, and finally, into the world.  And I was connected to everyone, and I was everyone. And they were me.

I don’t know exactly how long it lasted, until dawn began to break, anyway.   I did not go back to sleep and the…connectivity…began to fade as it grew later and light began to come in through my window, brightening my room.  It was as if I had been lying in the bosom of the world, as if I had been embraced by the essence of all the life that is here.  It was, for me, a very profound event.  And it has never faded entirely away.

I have no idea why it happened, or what it meant, or even if it actually meant anything.  I’ve never tried to analyze it.  I got up that morning as I did every morning, fixed breakfast, awakened my older children for school, put them on their buses, got dressed for work, put the smallest child in the car to drop at my mother’s while I worked – and I continued.

But I have never forgotten that wonderful moment in time.  And I never will.

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